Feeling This
by Jurei
Summary: [Oneshot] Based on the 11th graphic novel...Rath's thoughts on his relationship or lack thereof with Cesia. Basically a Rath thoughtfic... RathCesia and not extremely angsty. R&R, onegai!


Hehe, it's been long overdue…so here it is! I've finally gotten enough motivation to write a Rath/Cesia ficlet…basically because this awesome coupling gets close to NO coverage, whereas non-cannon couplings like Rune/Rath get a huge fan following. Therefore, it's my duty to represent my favourite couple! (Next to Inuyasha/Kagome and Jet/Virginia…they've got to be the cutest couple ever, mainly due to their strange relationship).

So, anyways, here it is! A useless piece of fluff written to Billy Idol's "White Wedding", and inspired by the 11th graphic novel!^^

Feeling This

_~A Dorakon Kishidan (Dragon Knights) fanfiction presented by Jurei~_

I shouldn't have come back.

More than anything, this is the one thing that I know to be completely right as I stand here, holding you. God…you scared me. I've never felt so strange…I've felt helplessness before, but not like that. Not like how I felt about not knowing where you were…not being able to find you.

_Cesia's gone! …We have to find her!_

_I must find her…Help me, Kaistern._

Somehow it feels right, but incredibly wrong at the same time. The way we are right now…it's like this is the way things are supposed to be. It feels…real, somehow. Real, unlike everything else…including me. At the same time, I know it's wrong…because I shouldn't be here.

_I shouldn't have come back._

I don't know how I feel about you…I mean, I guess we're friends…but you hate me, so that can't be right. I obviously feel something…it's different than how I feel about Thats or Rune…I can't describe it, really.

This is stupid, anyway. I shouldn't feel anything…demons can't feel. So why do I feel something inside me when you dismiss my darker part without a second thought, just like it's only a part of the things that make me…well, me. It's like it doesn't even enter your head that I can –_will_– end up killing everyone and everything in the end. I'll be the one to destroy your home…yet you don't treat me any differently.

As always, I feel…better. You make me feel at ease…though it drives me insane because I don't know _why._

Sure, you've got that power that strengthens everyone around you, but I don't think that's the reason. It's something…different.

And even though I know you hate me, you let me hold you…it's what I find strangest of all. You don't push me away.

You probably understand how I feel better than anyone…mainly because we're both in a similar situation. We've both got a darker part that's probably strong enough to destroy everything in Dusis without breaking a sweat.

That night outside the Sacred Forest…when you let me hold you before…you think I don't remember, but I do. I just think it's better for both of us if you still think I'm oblivious to what happened. Too many things slipped out that are better forgotten…I don't like people to know about me. Just like I don't like people trying to read my fortunes…it pisses the hell out of me that someone thinks they can predict all the choices I make. After all, it's our choices that make us who we are…or something like that. I think I read that somewhere…can't remember when.

Anyways, when we broke the curse…you shone gold. Gold and naked, so that cloak I threw at you was for the better. Somehow, the thought of you gallivanting around the forest without any clothes on doesn't sound like a good idea…mainly because I'd be forced to kill quite a few people. Not that I'm jealous or anything…you're prettier than you give yourself credit for, but not that pretty.

Really.

I'm not affected one bit.

Anyways, that's not the point. The point is that normal humans…youkai…demons…whatever…don't shine gold. And you had dragon eyes, too…it's both intriguing and unsettling. Who exactly _are you? _What_ are you?_

I want to be the one to find out.

…and again, I don't know _why._

What exactly is it that you've done to me, Cesia? I've never felt like this…like I can trust you…like you won't run when you see how truly ugly I am on the inside.

I've met your dark side twice…not exactly something I look forward to, but for some reason I don't feel like that's the real you, like she claims. There's more to you than that…I _know, somehow. Would you be remotely so forgiving if you met mine?_

Against all logic, I think you would be. Just another feeling, but I've always followed my instincts.

Why is the question that relates to you the most.

Why do I feel like this!? Why do I trust you!?

The answer is something that I think I know…but I'm not ready to say to myself, let alone out loud. Being around you means that I'll probably end up blurting it out, anyways…I never could keep things from people I trust.

Damn personality quirk.

If it gets out, it'll probably end up destroying every bit of tolerance and cordiality between you and me…not something I exactly want, even though I know that feeling like that makes me a selfish bastard. You tolerate me, but that's as far as it goes.

After all, you hate me…right?

And demons can't feel…are incapable of love.

I hold you closer, and you let me. You still don't pull away…like you know I need this, and are willing to put your personal dislike on hold so that I can comfort myself.

Which, invariably, means that I'll have to be extra careful around you from now on not to say something stupid. Maybe you don't hate me as much as I thought…and I want to keep it that way.

And as I sit here, holding you, the thought is stronger than ever…a confirmation.

I really shouldn't have come back.

~Owari

~*Well, that's it! Hope you enjoyed it…it's been sitting in my notebook for a while, along with all the other random ramblings that I come up with, from Full Metal Panic to Naruto…stuff I would probably never post on FF.Net. After all, we authors have a reputation to uphold, ne? ^^;;;;

Ja ne!^^

~Jurei-chan^6


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